Being independent is never easy and specially when a woman is encaged by people of not so liberated mindset. It is sort of impossible for her. A parent gives equal education to her girl child , educates her ,gives her total freedom to choose her career and partner as well. But what next ? She never knew the life which she thought of a dream tale is going to turn into a tale of immense struggles and nightmares. All resulting in giving her various health issues. Someone said recently to me that a women should change herself completely after marriage so that she would please her in-laws and husband. The other said if a woman bears a child then everything sorts out in her life. She proudly told that one should practice saying sorry to every now and then to husband's family whether one is at mistake or not.Only then she would be at peace. My answer is , sorry but not sorry. A woman is not there to please everyone's ego out here.I want to ask all women out there ,what is the real identity of a woman? Her true self. What would be left in her if you change everything in her. The qualities she possess which were always adored by her family,friends and loved ones are suddenly criticized by a bunch of people which she once considered more than her birth givers.Without it she would be a different person altogether and frankly nothing by herself.If men has responsibility to take care of his family,isn't it equal responsibility of daughters to take care of their own. And no one has right to advice them to get apart from doing so.This is shear hypocritical. A daughter in law can never talks to her inlaws the way she has been doing with own parents, by doing so either she would be taken for granted or else an ill mannered woman. How a women should act in such circumstances.This is not my story or your story. It is the mindset and double standards of most of the people which is literally cancerous. No one really gets anything from it. I read an article sometime back about one of India's eminent woman Indra Nooyi.She said she herself sacrificed a lot to achieve the position she reached and the respect she gets now. Although women have always come out shining from this work-life struggle, it must be admitted that the struggle is real.This is mostly because there are clear-cut roles for women. And your spouse becomes happy in real sense only if you would be able to manage it all by yourself and not involving them in between. Because somewhere they are their parents "ideal son". They can't say no or say anything which would not please their parents.
If I talk about myself here I'm an architect, did my majors from an eminent design school of this country ,working as an educator with a prestigious university and keeping my work associated as a freelance design consultant as well.I so love to keep my home and my family intact and well maintained. For my personal growth I so want to do PhD in my field. Being a new mother of a baby I cannot think of pushing up myself for it now. But yes I have plans for it in upcoming years. When I shared with my family the response was like "you have already done the PhD now by giving birth, Your only duty is to finish it now." Really? Though I laughed it off then but really ? Are we kidding.
It is a real deal for a woman to get the respect by succeeding in her career especially when it has to be come from her husband's family. This is not stereotyping but yes in most of the cases. And it hardly matters whether she is the CEO of a multinational company or a modest homemaker, she still has to look after the family and take care of the chores.They want total command over her and to become everything and do everything for them,cook, laundry, clean keeping a smile on her face always as well. They would never allow her to be a mentally and financially independent women,a free thinker and self decision maker.
This is to every men and women out there. Rise yourself and let your mothers,sisters and wives rise as well. Do not bound them with your patriarchal and rotten rules and regulations. And if you can't do it or if your ego and limits doesn't allow then simply let her leave you so that she could achieve her goals and experience the real meaning of equality and respect. All by herself.
Because nothing is impossible for the determined and strong willed person, the only thing being required is the perseverance.
- Sanghmitra Gautam
